Peeing on a Public Bus in India

I’d like to start by saying: I believe what makes a good storyteller is the ability to open up and be completely honest with your audience. Now, you can either click play on the video above or if you’re more of a reader, continue reading…

I decided to take a public bus for the first time during my travels in India. A four hour journey from Kayamkulam to Ernakulam in the state of Kerala may not seem like that much of an experience, but let me remind you, this is India!

After walking through knee high puddles (compliments of monsoon season), filled with garbage, piss, and fish (how they got there, I don’t know), I arrive at the bus station. A lady also waiting to go to Ernakulam, kindly informs me that there may be a “few” cockroaches living on the bus. “A few I can deal with,” I tell her. She also informs me that there is no toilet on the bus. “But the driver will stop along the way right?” I ask. “No,” she replies. This is not the ideal situation for someone who has to urinate every twenty minutes. As soon as I find a seat in the middle of the bus, I am greeted by ten to fifteen baby cockroaches. Yum. I sit down and the bus driver pulls away.  The inevitable of course happens next. I need to use the washroom.

This bus ride just turned into the longest and most grueling ride of my life. Did I mention that the massive pot holes in the road lift you from your seat continuously. This did not help with my bladder situation. A couple minutes into the ride, the bus driver’s assistant comes over and asks me to pay 100 rupees for the journey. “One hundred rupees,” I ask him. “I was told it was only sixty-six rupees. I guess the other thirty-six rupees is skin tax,” I say. The assistant chuckles and drops the price down to eighty rupees. Then he asks me to move to the front of the bus. The very very front. I looked around and see there are only three other people on the bus. “Do I really need to move?” I ask. “Yes! Woman in the front,” he replies. So, with the bus skipping along the road and my two bags in hand, I manage to make it to the very front of the bus. As soon as I sit down, a massive tree branch reaches in the window and wacks me across the head. This is just the first ten minutes of the bus ride.

About two and a half hours into the ride, my bladder is holding three liters of liquid (at least that’s how it feels). So what does a VERY desperate girl do in such a situation? Finds the most absorbent item in her bag to shove in her pants so she can relieve herself. A sock. Now, I realize that at this point in the story, I may lose a few readers. This is completely understandable, but please remember, I am desperate at this point and a good writer should be honest right? So, I take a clean sock from my bag and stick it in my pants and … don’t go. My parents toilet trained me well. My body won’t let me “go” because it knows I’m not in the proper setting to relieve myself. C’mon, a sock? But, desperate times call for desperate measures. At this point I am feeling beyond desperate, but my body knows better, and I just can’t go. To make matters worse, the bus stops at a station and one hundred people get on. Now, the seat I am sitting in could fit another two people comfortably, but six more people? Ugh!

Three more hours go by and I can’t take it anymore. I am about to get off on the side of the road, in the middle of who knows where but probably where no foreigner has gone before, when the bus pulls into a main city station. People are grabbing at me through the window to sell me snacks and random toys. One man in particular did not stop hounding me to buy a wooden flute. “I don’t want a flute,” I tell him. “I want a toilet!” I turn to the bus driver and ask, “How long will you be stopping for Mr. Bus Driver?” He looks at me as if I’m an alien. Luckily the kind lady I met at the beginning of the journey translates my question for the bus driver. “The bus will leave in one minute,” the lady tells me. I grab my more “important” bag of the two, and I jump out of the bus door. “Toilet, toilet!” I yell to whoever looks my way. “TOILET! WHERE IS THE TOILET! ANYONE?” Finally, the annoying flute vendor points in the direction of the toilets which is one hundred meters away. I make a mad dash for it. When I finally make it to the toilets there is a man in front of the stalls telling to pay two rupees. CRAP! I remember that I only have larger bills on me, which is unacceptable pretty much anywhere in India. Then I remember I shoved two rupees in my pocket before I left. Luck is finally on my side. I hand the man the two rupees and run to the toilet stall. First stall, locked. Second stall, locked. Third … forth … fifth … sixth stall, locked! Finally, the last stall is open! I drop my bag on the washroom floor (gross, i know, but remember I am strapped for time and my life for the next year is in my bag on the bus), pull down my pants, and … reeeelease! This is what I call complete satisfaction. I finish and quickly pull up my pants. I look back in the stall and realize I forgot the sock in my pants and it was now in the toilet. I guess this particular sock was destined for a different life purpose. I laugh and quickly dash across the station towards the bus. I only have five second left until the bus leaves. The bus rings it’s bell, which means that it is just about to leave, when I realize the bag I’m carrying is open. I turn around and quickly zip it up. I run so fast that I could have definitely come first place in a marathon, when I finally reach the bus as its just pulling away. I quickly jump through the door when I hear, “Miss, Miss!” I turn around and see the flute vendor chasing after me with my scarf in his hand. He quickly throws it to me through the bus window. “Thank you!” I yell. I collapse in my seat with a big sigh of relief. This has definitely been quite the journey.

So, what is the lesson learned from this experience?

1) Never underestimate someone’s generosity.

2) If you’re thinking of taking a public bus in India, make sure you bring some Depends.

What’s one of your most memorable travel story?

Kristen Sarah is a full-time traveller, tiny home owner and adventure junkie. She has one of the leading YouTube travel channels and is the head honcha of award-winning travel and lifestyle website, Hopscotch the Globe.

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23 Comments

  1. commodoredawe
    March 17, 2016 / 6:38 pm

    It was in 1984 and I lived in Peru because my company had sent me there. The previous year I got married and after a year in the country my Austrian wife joined me. My wife had a good friend who was working in a development project for the World Bank in the North of the country. It was an 800 km trip and we decided against flying and wanted to take the bus to see the country and its people. We liked the buses as they were small, comfortable and held only about 20 people. Normally those buses would make a rest stop every two hours and this 18 hour journey to the North. But then Peru had a big problem with terrorism and the bus would only stop once at a large, secure depot to refill the tank. Before we started the bus driver stood up, apologized, explained the situaton and said the only thing they could do was to brink a large bucket and anyone with the urge to go would have to do this in a little spot just before the last row. There was an assistant at hand, toilet paper would be provided and the assistant would then empy the bucket through the rear door which just opposite this place and also before the last row. We sat in the last row and there were two businessmen in their 50ies sharing the row with us.
    We all had a giggle and lots of funny comment were made and the businessmen just meant that during this 18 hour journey we would get to know all passengers a little bit better.
    My wife smiled and laughed. We were regular sauna goers and so public nudity was not a problem to her and in her parents house nobody closes the door when going to the toilet. If anybode needs anything in the bathroom then they get and the person just continues with whatever they are doing. All sounds, smells are seen as totally normal.

    After about two hours the first person appeared, a young boy about 12 with his mother and directly in front of us the lady smiled at my wife and my wife smiled back. The mother dropped the boys trousers and made him urinate into the bucket. He was clearly ashamed. Nice cock and the first signs of pubic her. My wife smiled at him and talked to his mother telling him what a beautiful son she had. Both ladies looked at the boy\’s penis and smiled. The assistant then chucked the contents of the bucket out of the bus.

    In the bus there were only two ladies. My wife and the mother with her boy. All others were men. Whenever anyone got up to go to the back of the bus and to the bucket all others watched. Even the bus driver watched in his mirror. Most of the men walked up very confidently, most of them had good sized latino cocks. Typically with a substantial girth. Not overly long but the typical brown fat latino penis that most ladies so love and appreciate. The all seemingly enjoyed presenting themselves in front of my wife who clearly looked with curiosity and appreciation and they all got a nod and a smile. Quite a few of the men continued to stroke their cocks after they had ended and only stopped when they had shown their fully erect pride to the world and especially my wife.
    Our two neighbours, the businessmen profusely apologised as they had to do the full business accompanied by bowel sounds and an intense aroma that filled the entire bus. My wife didn\’t mind and she just smiled, giggled, told me how great this all was and it was no different then at her family\’s house. When I was there I did the same. So my mother-in-law chats to me while I am sitting on their loo and having a dump.
    As it got dark the assistant had a pretty strong torch that almost had the effect of a stage-light. So from now on everyone using the bucket was on a stage and even better visible to all than during the day.
    Then came the moment that had to come and my wife announced that she had to go. All men in the bus had been waiting for that. My wife wore a wide black dress, she has a great figure and a quite fully shaped bum. She wore her trainers without socks and so she walked up, raised her dress and in full view of everyone presented her ass to us behind her and her smoothly shaved German pussy to the rest of the bus. Then she squatted over the bucket and produced a substantial dark brown sausage for a lady of her size, only a slight and very agreeable smell filled the air and then a strong golden stream hit the side of the bucket with a thundering sound. All men watched and took the sight of my semi-naked wife in. Both businessmen gave me expressions of appreciation to let me know that they thought she was very sexy.

    When she was finished she looked at me and said, \”Darling can you get the wet wipes out of my bag and then clean my ass and pussy while I hold on to these seats. I had difficulty standing up and everyone clearly must have seen my hard-on in the trousers and so in plain sight of everyone I wiped her bum and anus clean first. Which were now facing towards the people in the front of the bus and then her pussy in plain view of the businessmen next to us. I took my time and when finished I pretented to check my work and fondled my wife in front of everyone, sliding a finger between her ass checks, spreading them for all the men (the mother also looked, though), penetrating her ass with my middle finger which made her moan and then I extensively rubbed her pussy and clit. Then we sat down and continued our chat and had another drink.

    A little bit later we were treated to the belly, bum and very hairy pussy of the mother. A very beautiful middle-aged Peruvian lady who must have taken courage from what she saw my wife do. And as her son was fast asleep she also took her time and gave us all a show which we all really enjoyed. Not much was said but everyone smiled and nodded their heads in appreciation and very quietly you could hear \”So beautiful!\” from a few corners of the bus.

    We enjoyed that and I think so did the hole bus. If you are on a different wave-length then this is probably the most disgusting thing in the worl.d

  2. December 1, 2015 / 7:46 pm

    hahaha…I did many of the overnight buses in India and always needed to pee! Lost track of the amount of roadsides that I had to use as a toilet..with half the bus watching. The things we do for adventure 🙂
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  3. sheegal
    November 24, 2013 / 4:31 pm

    come on… I am from Kochi , the same place you were heading
    , I have not seen cockroaches in buses and you could have taken a better bus than the bus in above picture, those are budget ordinary buses, so you cant complain about this bus. what all you said rest is true. (for your information, kerala is the cleanest state in the whole country).

    • December 12, 2013 / 11:16 am

      I was coming from Kayamkulam, and I speak the truth. This bus looked like it was falling apart and had quite a few cockroaches in site. I love travelling this way though. May sound odd, but I love having stories like these. This is what travelling is about for me. Yes, Kerela is pretty clean, but there were dirty aspects to it just like any other country I’ve been to including my own.

      • Ronit
        September 7, 2014 / 7:39 pm

        I see you are an adventure seeker, ’cause for a person who is not very fluent with the native language, boarding a bus in india is a big adventure in the first place. I have grown up seeing such busses ply from one city to the other, and having travelled in them innumerable number of times I can very well relate to your experience of having to travel in such a bus. Trust me you should thank your stars, ’cause you were exceedingly lucky to have found a clean toilet (by clean I mean usable, not spotless clean, public toilets here are cleaned in 3 days or so) and to have had that lady translate for you. Your day could have been a lot worse. Most people who hail from southern india are very rigid with their language of communication and will not converse with you unless you speak their native tongue.

  4. March 2, 2012 / 6:20 pm

    Oh wow… that is one crazy bus ride!!! I have had some crazy ones but not like this… I couldn’t stop laughing!

    • Anonymous
      March 2, 2012 / 10:09 pm

      hahahaha great! I laughed after the fact.  But while I was writing this post, I was actually on the bus and going insane.

  5. January 18, 2012 / 12:39 pm

    What an awesome story…This is why I tell my wife to go before we leave on road trips!

  6. November 15, 2011 / 1:05 pm

    Great story Kristen. I found it unfortunate, but reall funny at the same time. Love your writing ability! 
    Can’t wait for your next write up.

  7. Sameer
    October 30, 2011 / 1:43 am

    Great article! Very nicely written… felt like I was there.

  8. January 20, 2011 / 8:10 pm

    That was a thrilling story.. you have a great talent with writing.

  9. Morgane
    January 8, 2011 / 7:48 pm

    aaarrrggghhh I want to pee now lool
    very good story

  10. Mama_mia_
    October 14, 2010 / 11:39 pm

    Great story Kristen. I found it unfortunate, but reall funny at the same time. Love your writing ability!
    Can’t wait for your next write up. Love your mama

  11. Allieg
    October 13, 2010 / 4:49 pm

    hahahahah!!! Hilarious. I love this. Absolutely great!

  12. Jaylene Rehn
    October 11, 2010 / 9:14 pm

    I hate to admit, but this is the 1st of your blogs I have had the chance to read. You are an extremely talented story teller and I’ll gladly be following the rest of your adventures in the next year. I am so happy your having such a good time. Take care

  13. Tanya Eubanas
    October 11, 2010 / 6:17 pm

    Kristen, You are a fantastic writer. Good luck on your journey my dear and stay out of trouble!

  14. Anna Wencl
    October 11, 2010 / 3:12 am

    that’s hilariously honest! looove it! it’s the honest truth of what can happen when traveling! 🙂

  15. Zarrabi Siya
    October 11, 2010 / 2:51 am

    Now you’re traveling!

    I have made many stops on the shoulder of highways for you to get out and relieve yourself. In some incidences the police have stopped to tell us to move, that bladder gets you into trouble! I can imagine how grueling that would be for you, PS. Theres no way you’d lose readers by putting a sock in your pants on a bus in India, if my internet crashed after I read that I would have been left in suspense!

  16. Emma
    October 10, 2010 / 7:09 pm

    Great story! Sure you wouldn’t rather be in Europe?

  17. Amritr
    October 10, 2010 / 12:19 pm

    Dam, you would make a fabulous writer! Good narration of the story!

  18. Jesse
    October 10, 2010 / 10:55 am

    what an interesting story 😀 the only part I didn’t like is that you had to sit in the front cause you’re a woman, but I guess every country has different values and customs. I love that you’re doing this adventure prima, stay strong, no regrets! 😀

    I send you some love 🙂

  19. Cuesta
    October 10, 2010 / 9:56 am

    whoa… crazy!

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